Ello!
I hope you are well and as you read this you are not in a class or you are not driving a car or you are not in a rush instead you are in our comfy clothes with a cup a tea and you are in your happy place!
So I wanted to talk about the fact that your behavior matters on a day to day basis, for quite some time but I don't why I didn't did that but recently I was asked to shed some light on how to not let people's behavior affect you in a negative way and I am by no means any expert or anything like that but I do have my experiences and my tips of how I deal and have dealt with, in the past so yeah I am going to go through them in this post today I hope you find it helpful in one way or another.
We always say that society is bad but we never realize that we are society. We were in a class the other day and we were having a talk about various things, one of them being that 'we didn't went to that particular institute cause the environment there is not good or suitable for us' and I got a question in my head which was similar to the question that our teacher asked to them people who said that and that question was that who do you think makes the environment and how can you make this statement that environment there is not good? In my opinion as we are the society we are responsible for how the environment looks like. We make the environment, its our fault if the 'bad' environment makes you bad cause its completely up to you, how you take certain things and how you deal with them. If you will fall into the norms of that environment then you don't have a right to blame the environment! No one can indulge you becoming bad until and unless you give them the power to do so. You are the owner of your surroundings and you can make it the way you want to but you don't have any right to blame the environment. You are very powerful cause you can turn a bad environment into a gooden but never think that we make this statement that the surrounding of such and such place is not good. Your behavior can do wonders. I have seen people who have done not a lot but just by their behaviors have turned a so called bad environment into a good one and it never fails to amaze me and its not that they had to move mountains to do so, its simple and doable.
My father has always told me this thing that there is a language of love and there is a lot that we can get done by choosing to use that language of love, fondness and affection. I was used to not give this thought an ear but as I grew older and older, I realized that how true this thing is and it can literally make things a lot more easier for you and as well as other people. Do you ever want to ask any sort of help from a person that you know is sort of aggressive and has got this sort of ' me, me , me 'problem, No. We don't ever want to seek from such kinds cause we know that we are gonna end up feeling small and dejected in the end. Instead what we like to do is we go and ask for help to a kind an d softhearted person, who we know that is trustworthy in a manner of speaking that his behavior will be polite even tho our problem is as silly as it can get, but that one person is kind enough to not insult us instead will help us out whether he will have a way or not, he will just talk to you in the most polite manner and half or more then half of your problem will be gone by the end of the talk:)
So the point is that we are not the judges of the environment, but the creators of it. If all of us start thinking about our behaviors rather then other people's behavior we can change the environment which we think is bad which is an unjustified statement! You can turn a hostile person into a friendly one just by your behavior, and another thing which I have experienced is that a fair few people are by nature aggressive or hostile but a lot of them are because of the circumstances. I feel like and I think you will agree with me that its not the people that are bad, its the circumstances. So we should never ever label a person as an aggressive one just cause he shouted or has shown bad temperament cause you might not know the reason behind that. He might have a very untold miserable sort of story that has made him that brutal because I have seen and I know a lot of people who have been through it and the consequences have been severe. So that has taught me this lesson that nobody or maybe not a huge number of people choose the path of being aggressive but they just had to be like that sadly, which is also a dilemma and its another huge debate which I would like to talk bout , maybe in another post or something but in short we shouldn't let the circumstances make you a different person which I know is hard like literally hard but its not impossible cause if we have this thought that 'okay so they did that to make me function in a certain way, then its fine but I wont let that happen and I will prove them wrong' this thought is important and much required!!
Another thing which makes me really sad is that we think that the penultimate response to an ill behaved person is to be ill behaved and that is something which drives me crazy that how can that be a possible 'cool' attitude.
Try to turn an ill behaved person into a well behaved one by your nice and gentle behavior and that is doable and very easy! But please get rid of this thought that if someone is not nice to you then you being the same to him is the right thing to do, its not! I know people say that don't feel so pressured to be nice to someone who isn't nice to you but have you have thought that will being nice to that person cause you any, any sort of harm? It wont ever do that. If it wont change that person's behavior, it will give you reward from Allah Almighty for a nice and kind gesture and isn't that enough!? So be nice and humble without thinking of the pros and cons! It is what is and that thought can let you not become negative in response to someone's negative attitude. You know what its all a game of thinking and sometimes even hypnotizing yourself that you have to or need to look past some things and don't let them effect you in a bad way. You know yourself better then anyone and all you need is a thought that you are not as bad as that person says you are and not as good as the other persons think you are, at least that's what I think. If you will agree that you are as good as someone has told you then you will stop and you wont work on yourself to become more and more better cause you will think oo I am good enough already so keep on competing with your own self!
Be the big fish in the sea, if you wont the big ones will eat you! Don't feel small because you were born and now its your responsibility to live a life that is worth it! Get courage and prove them wrong who says that you are useless, take that pressure and stress as a positive one to help you emerge as something good and not as something that they think you are cause you are not! You are capable of a lot more then you think you are! Its all a matter of knowing yourself.
My father has always told me this thing that there is a language of love and there is a lot that we can get done by choosing to use that language of love, fondness and affection. I was used to not give this thought an ear but as I grew older and older, I realized that how true this thing is and it can literally make things a lot more easier for you and as well as other people. Do you ever want to ask any sort of help from a person that you know is sort of aggressive and has got this sort of ' me, me , me 'problem, No. We don't ever want to seek from such kinds cause we know that we are gonna end up feeling small and dejected in the end. Instead what we like to do is we go and ask for help to a kind an d softhearted person, who we know that is trustworthy in a manner of speaking that his behavior will be polite even tho our problem is as silly as it can get, but that one person is kind enough to not insult us instead will help us out whether he will have a way or not, he will just talk to you in the most polite manner and half or more then half of your problem will be gone by the end of the talk:)
So the point is that we are not the judges of the environment, but the creators of it. If all of us start thinking about our behaviors rather then other people's behavior we can change the environment which we think is bad which is an unjustified statement! You can turn a hostile person into a friendly one just by your behavior, and another thing which I have experienced is that a fair few people are by nature aggressive or hostile but a lot of them are because of the circumstances. I feel like and I think you will agree with me that its not the people that are bad, its the circumstances. So we should never ever label a person as an aggressive one just cause he shouted or has shown bad temperament cause you might not know the reason behind that. He might have a very untold miserable sort of story that has made him that brutal because I have seen and I know a lot of people who have been through it and the consequences have been severe. So that has taught me this lesson that nobody or maybe not a huge number of people choose the path of being aggressive but they just had to be like that sadly, which is also a dilemma and its another huge debate which I would like to talk bout , maybe in another post or something but in short we shouldn't let the circumstances make you a different person which I know is hard like literally hard but its not impossible cause if we have this thought that 'okay so they did that to make me function in a certain way, then its fine but I wont let that happen and I will prove them wrong' this thought is important and much required!!
Another thing which makes me really sad is that we think that the penultimate response to an ill behaved person is to be ill behaved and that is something which drives me crazy that how can that be a possible 'cool' attitude.
Try to turn an ill behaved person into a well behaved one by your nice and gentle behavior and that is doable and very easy! But please get rid of this thought that if someone is not nice to you then you being the same to him is the right thing to do, its not! I know people say that don't feel so pressured to be nice to someone who isn't nice to you but have you have thought that will being nice to that person cause you any, any sort of harm? It wont ever do that. If it wont change that person's behavior, it will give you reward from Allah Almighty for a nice and kind gesture and isn't that enough!? So be nice and humble without thinking of the pros and cons! It is what is and that thought can let you not become negative in response to someone's negative attitude. You know what its all a game of thinking and sometimes even hypnotizing yourself that you have to or need to look past some things and don't let them effect you in a bad way. You know yourself better then anyone and all you need is a thought that you are not as bad as that person says you are and not as good as the other persons think you are, at least that's what I think. If you will agree that you are as good as someone has told you then you will stop and you wont work on yourself to become more and more better cause you will think oo I am good enough already so keep on competing with your own self!
Be the big fish in the sea, if you wont the big ones will eat you! Don't feel small because you were born and now its your responsibility to live a life that is worth it! Get courage and prove them wrong who says that you are useless, take that pressure and stress as a positive one to help you emerge as something good and not as something that they think you are cause you are not! You are capable of a lot more then you think you are! Its all a matter of knowing yourself.
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